My body was literally attacking itself. It wasn't functioning as it should, again, and it was affecting my ability to care for my daughter. I was angry, I was hurt, I was broken.
In our marriage prep, we'd heard about the stresses of NFP. We'd heard about the difficulties of choosing to abstain during times of fertility rather than choosing a form of birth control. We'd heard that NFP could cause fights and at times resentment. Everything we'd heard about the difficulties of NFP prior to our marriage was in the context of using NFP to avoid having. children (or TTA). Clearly, we weren't using NFP to avoid having children at this point in our marriage. It followed then, that there should be no difficulties caused by using NFP, no stress, no strain on our marriage.
During lent of last year, I began praying the Servite Rosary. Rather than five decades of Hail Marys, each meditating on a portion of Christ's life, the Servite Rosary has seven septets of Hail Marys, each meditating on a particular sorrow of Mary. I fell in love with the seven sorrows of Mary. I found … Continue reading Entering into the Tomb
Infertility is not merely a cross. It is an opportunity to witness to the deeper reality that we as married couples do not get to decide how our marriage is lived out. It is a witness to a motherhood and fatherhood that is lived spiritually rather than physically. It is a witness to the fact that fruitfulness is not limited to procreation. Infertility, understood in this way, is a charism. It is a call to live out fruitfulness even in the midst of barrenness.
I am tempted to look at the Lord as Peter did and say, "Master, we have worked hard all night and caught nothing, but at your command I will lower the nets" (Luke 5:5). I am tempted to look at Christ and seeing the strong wind surrounding me exclaim, "Lord, save me!" And yet, our Lord turns to us, "[stretches] out his hand and [catches us], and [says] to us, 'O you of little faith, why did you doubt?'" (Matthew 14:31)